Rules for dating a musician

A few years ago, I had to swear off dating musicians. unless he’s being financially supported by Mommy and Daddy. Twenty-something and thirty-something men who don’t pay their own bills have a warped view of reality. To this day I can still remember an ex-boyfriend’s most ardent groupie: she once showed up at his apartment unannounced while I was over because she was “just in the neighborhood.” He thought she was ridiculous, but he had to be polite to her because she was such a major fan.I’d been dating them since high school, both casual guitar-noodlers and career musicians who had songs on CW shows and their faces on T-shirts. If you’re comfortable with long absences, then this is great. Expect to pay for more than your share/everything, but don’t get trapped into supporting him financially at the expense of your own career. While there are plenty of musicians who have day jobs, there are than a few trust fund brats. Think Mel on “Flight Of The Conchords”: mostly harmless, just annoying. A song is not a present (at least in my book), unless your name is Elton John and the song is “Your Song.” But if you date a musician, especially an impoverished musician, he’s going to write you a song in lieu of a more appropriate gift. Blame it on going onstage every night at 11, but a lot of successful musicians are creatures of the night.The reality is this: groupies don’t care about you when you’re on the come up, because you’re likely broke and struggling.

I’m also based in New York City, which makes dating even harder.

You'll be dropped at a moment's notice when his guitarist is 'feeling meh', or his bassist's gerbil died…or he's been offered a plus one to a gig where he HATES the band but there might be a schmoozable contact there. Your desire to be in bed before 1am on a schoolnight will make you feel squarer than Spongebob and you can forget any notion that sex will happen within the confines of when "The Man" dictates you should have it.3. Ok so consciously-uncoupling's got Gwynnie written all over it but when quizzed about their split, Chris Martin essentially bemoaned his inability to extract enjoyment from what was otherwise a great relationship because of "this". The self-loathing that accompanies his 'gift' is part of the fabric of his being and as such, no singular experience is lived outside its realms. Your trip to Glastonbury made him gag at the thought of meaningless escapism for average people to get off their tits and pretend they're bohemian for a week. be prepared to embrace your new life as the NOT-cool one.7. He simply cannot fathom why you'd willingly pay upwards of £300 to sit on a beach elsewhere as that would be passing up opportunities to hang out in artisan coffee shops and dinge-bars. His hand-to-mouth existence means the prospect of planning anything beyond the next three hours makes his palms sweat. Joey tells Rachel, and she doesn't (but can't return his feelings).

If you complain about this, you're massively selfish, FYI. "", presumably, being the relentless torture that inflicts musicians on an epidemic scale. His existential crisis is the Camilla to your Charles and Diana. His neuroticism puts him at the centre of any number of imagined scenarios in which he's letting you down or breaking your heart or HEY WHAT A GREAT IDEA FOR A SONG!

Nonetheless, you can work to make your relationship better and be the best partner you can be to him or her, though don't forget to expect the same in return.

You will always, unreservedly and unashamedly come second. He'll have more intense relationships with his bandmates than he'll ever have with you. Heck, if we didn't need to be at work at nine, we'd also be tempted to sip rioja in the kitchen at 2am on a Tuesday night, chewing the cud over whether Jeff Buckley's finest hour was prophetic in the wake of his unexpected demise. You don't get his Talking Heads circa reference but you laugh anyway and hope it slips under the radar. He can't fathom why you paid £50 to see Alt-J when he could have made a call and got you backstage. To the average musician, going abroad is for tours only and 'holidays' consist of watching old movies or meeting his friends in artisan coffee shops or dinge-bars. If you don't want to be sat alone at an hour's notice for the fourth time this week, eating ice cream and crying while you watch Ian Beale crying on Eastenders, get yourself a back-up plan. RELATED: THE EMOTIONAL STAGES OF BREAKING UP WITH A DICKHEADRELATED: 20 SIGNS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS FOR *LIFE*RELATED: THE EMOTIONAL STAGES OF BECOMING A COUPLE WHEN YOU'RE NOT 100% READY TO BE ONE Joey tells Ross he's in love with Rachel, and he freaks out.